Приколы, анекдоты и т.п. - поднимаем настроение!

[DELmar]

ELH_Doppelganger
тсссс... весь эффект спортишь.
Лучше поздно, чем никогда.
Slayer на детских инструментах.

[Вольфлин]

[Rabid Coyote]

[frost]

[Torx]

Понедельника ShtFcd!

[molwolf]

[DELmar]

[Snyker]

Гггг

Weapons fire for Mandrill (Snyker)
    LRM 20 at Valkyrie VLK-QA (Princess); needs 6, rolls 9 : 12 missile(s) hit (using Right Side table).
        Valkyrie VLK-QA (Princess) takes 5 damage to RA.
        5 damage transfers to RT.
        Valkyrie VLK-QA (Princess) takes 5 damage to RT.
        5 damage transfers to CT.
        Valkyrie VLK-QA (Princess) takes 5 damage to CT.
            Armor destroyed, 6 Internal Structure remaining
            Critical hit on CT. Roll is 10; 2 locations.
            CRITICAL HIT on Standard Gyro.
            CRITICAL HIT on Engine.
        Valkyrie VLK-QA (Princess) takes 5 damage to RL.
            2 Armor remaining.
        Valkyrie VLK-QA (Princess) takes 2 damage to RT.
        2 damage transfers to CT.
        Valkyrie VLK-QA (Princess) takes 2 damage to CT.
             4 Internal Structure remaining
            Critical hit on CT. Roll is 2; no effect.
    LRM 20 at Valkyrie VLK-QA (Princess); needs 6, rolls 8 : 12 missile(s) hit (using Right Side table).
        Valkyrie VLK-QA (Princess) takes 5 damage to RA.
        5 damage transfers to RT.
        Valkyrie VLK-QA (Princess) takes 5 damage to RT.
        5 damage transfers to CT.
        Valkyrie VLK-QA (Princess) takes 5 damage to CT.
             SECTION DESTROYED,
        Valkyrie VLK-QA (Princess) has taken 6 engine hits this phase.
        Checking for engine explosion on 10, roll is 10.
        ***The safety systems on the engine fail catastrophically resulting in a cascading engine failure!
*** Valkyrie VLK-QA (Princess) DESTROYED by engine explosion! ***
        Start Secondary Damage Report.
        >Valkyrie VLK-QA (Princess) suffers catastrophic damage, but the autoeject system was engaged.
    
Valkyrie VLK-QA (Princess) must make a piloting skill check (landing in a building).
    Needs 9 [5 (ejecting) + 1 (automatic ejection) + 3 (landing in a building)], rolls 8 : fails.
        Building #34884 absorbs 3 points of damage.
        
3 points absorbed by armor. 17 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 3 points of damage.
        
3 points absorbed by armor. 17 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 3 points of damage.
        
3 points absorbed by armor. 17 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 7 points of damage.
        
7 points absorbed by armor. 13 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 7 points of damage.
        
7 points absorbed by armor. 13 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 7 points of damage.
        
7 points absorbed by armor. 13 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 3 points of damage.
        
3 points absorbed by armor. 17 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 3 points of damage.
        
3 points absorbed by armor. 17 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 7 points of damage.
        
7 points absorbed by armor. 13 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 15 points of damage.
        
15 points absorbed by armor. 5 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 15 points of damage.
        
15 points absorbed by armor. 5 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 7 points of damage.
        
7 points absorbed by armor. 13 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 7 points of damage.
        
7 points absorbed by armor. 13 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 15 points of damage.
        
15 points absorbed by armor. 5 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 150 points of damage.
        
20 points absorbed by armor. 0 armor remaining.
         BUILDING DESTROYED
        Building #34884 absorbs 15 points of damage.
        
15 points absorbed by armor. 5 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 7 points of damage.
        
7 points absorbed by armor. 13 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 15 points of damage.
        
15 points absorbed by armor. 5 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 15 points of damage.
        
15 points absorbed by armor. 5 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 7 points of damage.
        
7 points absorbed by armor. 13 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 3 points of damage.
        
3 points absorbed by armor. 17 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 3 points of damage.
        
3 points absorbed by armor. 17 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 7 points of damage.
        
7 points absorbed by armor. 13 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 7 points of damage.
        
7 points absorbed by armor. 13 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 3 points of damage.
        
3 points absorbed by armor. 17 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 3 points of damage.
        
3 points absorbed by armor. 17 armor remaining.
        Horned Owl (Peregrine) (Snyker) is hit for 3 damage!
        Horned Owl (Peregrine) (Snyker) takes 3 damage to RT.
            7 Armor remaining.
        Jenner IIC (Snyker) is hit for 15 damage!
        Jenner IIC (Snyker) takes 5 damage to LA.
            Armor destroyed, 2 Internal Structure remaining
            Critical hit on LA. Roll is 9; 1 location.
            CRITICAL HIT on Shoulder.
        Jenner IIC (Snyker) takes 5 damage to LL.
            Armor destroyed, 6 Internal Structure remaining
            Critical hit on LL. Roll is 5; no effect.
        Jenner IIC (Snyker) takes 5 damage to RA.
            Armor destroyed, 4 Internal Structure remaining
            Critical hit on RA. Roll is 5; no effect.
        Mandrill (Snyker) is hit for 3 damage!
        Mandrill (Snyker) takes 3 damage to LL.
            7 Armor remaining.
        Jenner JR7-D (Princess) is hit for 15 damage!
        Jenner JR7-D (Princess) takes 5 damage to RA.
        5 damage transfers to RT.
        Jenner JR7-D (Princess) takes 5 damage to RT.
             SECTION DESTROYED,
        3 damage transfers to CT.
            Critical hit on RT. Roll is 5; no effect.
        Jenner JR7-D (Princess) takes 3 damage to CT.
             4 Internal Structure remaining
            Critical hit on CT. Roll is 8; 1 location.
            CRITICAL HIT on Engine.
        Jenner JR7-D (Princess) takes 5 damage to RT.
        5 damage transfers to CT.
        Jenner JR7-D (Princess) takes 5 damage to CT.
             SECTION DESTROYED,
        Jenner JR7-D (Princess) has taken 6 engine hits this phase.
        Checking for engine explosion on 10, roll is 10.
        ***The safety systems on the engine fail catastrophically resulting in a cascading engine failure!
*** Jenner JR7-D (Princess) DESTROYED by engine explosion! ***
        Start Secondary Damage Report.
        >Jenner JR7-D (Princess) suffers catastrophic damage, but the autoeject system was engaged.
    
Jenner JR7-D (Princess) must make a piloting skill check (landing in clear terrain).
    Needs 9 [5 (ejecting) + 5 (Mech is prone) + 1 (automatic ejection) - 2 (landing in clear terrain)], rolls 4 : fails.
        Building #34884 absorbs 6 points of damage.
        
6 points absorbed by armor. 7 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 6 points of damage.
        
6 points absorbed by armor. 7 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 6 points of damage.
        
6 points absorbed by armor. 7 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 6 points of damage.
        
6 points absorbed by armor. 11 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 6 points of damage.
        
6 points absorbed by armor. 11 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 12 points of damage.
        
12 points absorbed by armor. 1 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 12 points of damage.
        
5 points absorbed by armor. 0 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 12 points of damage.
        
5 points absorbed by armor. 0 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 6 points of damage.
        
6 points absorbed by armor. 7 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 6 points of damage.
        
6 points absorbed by armor. 7 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 12 points of damage.
        
5 points absorbed by armor. 0 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 24 points of damage.
        Building #34884 absorbs 24 points of damage.
        
5 points absorbed by armor. 0 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 12 points of damage.
        
12 points absorbed by armor. 1 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 245 points of damage.
        
5 points absorbed by armor. 0 armor remaining.
         BUILDING DESTROYED
        Building #34884 absorbs 24 points of damage.
        
5 points absorbed by armor. 0 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 12 points of damage.
        
12 points absorbed by armor. 1 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 6 points of damage.
        
6 points absorbed by armor. 11 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 6 points of damage.
        
6 points absorbed by armor. 11 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 12 points of damage.
        
12 points absorbed by armor. 1 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 24 points of damage.
        
13 points absorbed by armor. 0 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 12 points of damage.
        
12 points absorbed by armor. 5 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 6 points of damage.
        
6 points absorbed by armor. 11 armor remaining.
        Building #34884 absorbs 6 points of damage.
        
6 points absorbed by armor. 14 armor remaining.
        Horned Owl (Peregrine) (Snyker) is hit for 12 damage!
        Horned Owl (Peregrine) (Snyker) takes 5 damage to CT.
            5 Armor remaining.
        Horned Owl (Peregrine) (Snyker) takes 5 damage to LA.
            4 Armor remaining.
        Horned Owl (Peregrine) (Snyker) takes 2 damage to RL.
            9 Armor remaining.
        Jenner IIC (Snyker) is hit for 24 damage!
        Jenner IIC (Snyker) takes 5 damage to RA.
             SECTION DESTROYED,
        1 damage transfers to RT.
            Critical hit on RA. Roll is 6; no effect.
        Jenner IIC (Snyker) takes 1 damage to RT.
            5 Armor remaining.
        Jenner IIC (Snyker) takes 5 damage to CT.
            3 Armor remaining.
        Jenner IIC (Snyker) takes 5 damage to RA.
        5 damage transfers to RT.
        Jenner IIC (Snyker) takes 5 damage to RT.
            0 Armor remaining.
        Jenner IIC (Snyker) takes 5 damage to LT.
            1 Armor remaining.
        Jenner IIC (Snyker) takes 4 damage to RL.
            4 Armor remaining.
        Mercury MCY-99 (Princess) is hit for 6 damage!
        Mercury MCY-99 (Princess) takes 5 damage to LA.
        5 damage transfers to LT.
        Mercury MCY-99 (Princess) takes 5 damage to LT.
        5 damage transfers to CT.
        Mercury MCY-99 (Princess) takes 5 damage to CT.
        Mercury MCY-99 (Princess) takes 1 damage to LA.
        1 damage transfers to LT.
        Mercury MCY-99 (Princess) takes 1 damage to LT.
        1 damage transfers to CT.
        Mercury MCY-99 (Princess) takes 1 damage to CT.
        Valkyrie VLK-QA (Princess) is hit for 24 damage!
        Valkyrie VLK-QA (Princess) takes 5 damage to CT.
        Valkyrie VLK-QA (Princess) takes 5 damage to LL.
             SECTION DESTROYED,
            Critical hit on LL. Roll is 6; no effect.
        Valkyrie VLK-QA (Princess) takes 5 damage to CT.
        Valkyrie VLK-QA (Princess) takes 5 damage to RA.
        5 damage transfers to RT.
        Valkyrie VLK-QA (Princess) takes 5 damage to RT.
        5 damage transfers to CT.
        Valkyrie VLK-QA (Princess) takes 5 damage to CT.
        Valkyrie VLK-QA (Princess) takes 4 damage to LT.
            4 Armor remaining.
        End Secondary Damage Report.
            Critical hit on CT. Roll is 8; 1 location.
            Location has no more hittable critical slots.
        Jenner JR7-D (Princess) takes 5 damage to LL.
             SECTION DESTROYED,
            Critical hit on LL. Roll is 6; no effect.
        End Secondary Damage Report.
            Critical hit on CT. Roll is 8; 1 location.
            Location has no more hittable critical slots.
        Valkyrie VLK-QA (Princess) takes 5 damage to RA.
        5 damage transfers to RT.
        Valkyrie VLK-QA (Princess) takes 5 damage to RT.
        5 damage transfers to CT.
        Valkyrie VLK-QA (Princess) takes 5 damage to CT.
        Valkyrie VLK-QA (Princess) takes 2 damage to LT.
            2 Armor remaining.
    ER Small Laser at Valkyrie VLK-QA (Princess); needs 8, rolls 6 : misses

[Siberian-troll]

[Астер]

Морячек то похоже шотландец.

[FES]

ирландец скорее

[deathtor]

[frost]

библиотекарям

[frost]

http://coub.com/view/4n4rd

[KULEK]

http://coub.com/view/29ci9

Добавлено спустя 2 часа 40 минут 27 секунд:
http://coub.com/view/2vlxx

[Click]

В Нижегородской области пьяный недоумок решил подломить поселковый магазин. Концовка просто блеск!


В тему, хоть и баян:

Это не момент ли из фильма какого-нить? Так и не нашел информации по этому поводу.

P.S. У меня есть один знакомый ну копия того мужика что голову в забор просунул! Как близнец. Показал ему и он хохотал до слез.

[Lima Zulu]

Это не момент ли из фильма какого-нить?

"La gran aventura de Mortadelo y Filemón"

[Click]

Lima Zulu
ага, вот оно: Приключения Мортадело и Филимона
О, спасибо, посмотрю.

[DELmar]

После ада в онлайне танков нада начать принимать

Хз мб и в МВО тоже поможет

[RDL_python]

Сильно напоминает большинство "обсуждений" на этом форуме

П: Имя?
И: Иисус. А ваше?
П: Понтий Пилат.
И: Очень приятно.
П: Вы так считаете?
И: А вы нет?
П: Вы еврей, Иисус?
И: А почему вы спрашиваете?
П: А почему вы отвечаете вопросом на вопрос?
И: Вы антисемит?
П: А почему вас это беспокоит?
И: Hет, почему ВАС это беспокоит?
П: А кто вам сказал, что меня это беспокоит?
И: А зачем вы спрашиваете?
П: А я должен вам давать объяснения что, почему и у кого я спрашиваю?
И: А я должен давать ответы на вопросы неясного содержания неизвестно кому?
П: То есть вы сомневаетесь в моих полномочиях задавать вам вопросы? Вы
не верите что я Понтий Пилат, прокуратор Иудеи?
И: А какие у вас доказательства?
П: А я должен вам это доказывать?
И: А почему нет?
П: А почему да?
И: А почему нет?
П: Иуду знаете?
И: А должен?
П: Вы можете ответить на вопрос?
И: А вы?
П: Это вы вели проповеди и предсказывали смену власти?
И: Это вам кто сказал?
П: А это относится к делу?
И: А у вас ко мне какое–то дело?
П: Вам не кажется, что вы переходите всякие границы?
И: Вы так думаете?
П: Это вы ходили по воде, аки по суху и исцеляли тяжело больных?
И: А если головой подумать?
П: Это вы называли себя сыном Божьим?
И: Что вы хотите чтобы я ответил?
П: А правду сказать не судьба?
И: А я похож на сумашедшего?
П: А если я велю вас казнить? Hа кресте распну?
И: А за что?
П: А разве недостаточно всего вышеперечисленного?
И: А может все–таки потому, что я еврей?
П: А вы таки еврей?
И: А разве не сын Божий?
П: Это можно считать признанием?
И: А разве не вы cами это сказали 11–ю строчками выше?
П: А разве я не ваши слова повторил?
И: А вы разве слышали?
П: А если вы это говорили не при мне?
И: А как бы вы тогда это слышали?
П: Вы думаете у меня нет осведомителей?
И: А вы уверены в их осведомленности?
П: А может все–таки сразу на крест?
И: А может вы все–таки антисемит?
П: А вы таки еврей?
И: Где я это сказал?
П: Вы мне надоели! Казнить его немедленно!
И: Вы таки антисемит.
П: Вы таки еврей.