I’M NOT GOING THIS TIME

[DeJaVu]

28 January 3073 FSN is pleased to publish this fifteen-part excerpt of a journal recently unearthed on Kentares, dating from the Kentares Massacre itself. In these dark times, the knowledge that we have always fought against the darkness is comforting as we fight against the encroaching zealotry of the Word of Blake.
The food we brought back is running out.
Richie says he’ll go with the next group, in his ’Mech. I don’t think that’s a good idea, but if he can help them smash through in a quick run than maybe they can get to Gould and back before the Dracs can get their ’Mechs back this way. God knows we need the food, and someone needs to go through some houses for some medicines and such. There’s only thirty of us left, kids included.
Fuller thinks the ’Mech is a bad idea, too. But who’s going to stop our only MechWarrior? It’s not like anyone else can drive the damn thing, and it’s not doing us any good lying out there rusting beneath the rocks. Besides, Fuller is so sick himself he’s only coherent about ten minutes a day, and its been days since Richie told him he was going.
I’m not going this time. I need a rest. I see that dead Drac when I close my eyes. At first it was a welcome change from the bodies, especially the kids’ bodies. There are things on Kentares that a man shouldn’t have to see. Shouldn’t have to remember. But that dead Drac, he keeps looking at me. Sometimes he’s counting bullets. I wonder how many of us he killed? Sometimes that pondering even lets me sleep.
I’ve told Richie where the caches we set up are. I marked the landmarks on a map for him and the guys driving the little skimmer George stole last week. I hope they make it back. Richie’s got nothing more than his ’Mech's strength to fight with—no missiles. That’s pretty bad news for whoever he gets a hold of, but he can only hold one guy at a time.
I hope they come back fast.